Archive for June, 2017

What’s the Word

Tuesday, June 13th, 2017

Caffeine domestiqueI’m baaaaack.

From the Amgen Tour of California and Breakaway from Heart Disease pro cycling races, that is. The final day of the women’s 4-stage race and first day of the men’s 7-stage race both started and ended near the capitol building in Sacramento, CA. Good ol’ Sactown. Later that evening, I was solicited, “Dollar for a pill?” In the words of the late great Tupac Shakur, California knows how to party.

The women completed a 20-lap circuit race sandwiched between thForza Ragazze!e start and finish of the men’s first stage. Olympic gold medalist Anna van der Breggen won the race overall for the women, while German sprinter Marcel Kittel bested Peter Sagan at the finish line. We sorta learn which shoe van der Breggen puts on first in this interview she did with Race Ausgezeichnet!Reporter Ruby, a charming 9-year-old.

In my quest to entertain those of you who may not be cycling “enthusiasts” (in contrast to “groupies,” as I explained for a friend who mistakenly labeled me as such), I’ve pieced together a couple photos of hairstyle options on any given race day. Then there’s Geoffrey Soupe, who clearly escaped a Stanley Cup game with his hockey playoffs full beard to join the peloton.

Some hair; some don't

My aforementioned friend also asked if pro cyclists booze it up and seek out a hookup after the stage, the way some athletes in other sports are inclined to after a game. (She has a one-track mind.) Pretty much, No. During week-long races like the Amgen Tour and any of the 3-week grand tours, including the Tour de France, by necessity, cyclists give priority to a recovery massage, lots of food, and sleep. Pedaling bikes superfast for several hours nonstop day after day makes for exhausted bodies. There’s simply no time to prowl, plus there’s the logistical aspect of sharing a hotel room with a teammate….

The closest reference I could find to anything halfway related was this:

Back in the 1990s one American team would wrap the riders’ mid-race sandwiches in torn-out pages of Playboy to try to cheer them up.

Super classy, America/US Postal (just a guess). While plenty people might enjoy a small sandwich wrapped in breasts, surely there are those who don’t prefer women and shouldn’t have to endure it.

Corn fed chicken with topinamur flakes - Peter Sagan/BORAGiven the information on the lack of post-race hookup opportunities, you’re going to have to work harder if you want a cyclist as your live-in love interest. Pick a sprinter. Mark Cavendish and Peter Sagan are spoken for, but they apparently both enjoy cooking. Bonus! Sagan has been filming fun little cooking segments for his new team sponsor, BORA, a “cooking systems” company. BORA is doing supercool events like this one coinciding with a couple locations of the Tour de France.

FOOD GONE WRONG: Sorry to spoil the appetite I just induced, but the 100th Giro d’Italia has just wrapped up and overall leader Tom Dumoulin was the first to speak so candidly about pooing during a race stage since Bob Roll, with this to say about his untimely predicament:

I just had some problems. I needed to take a dump. I started to feel it in the downhill of the Stelvio and I had to stop. Back on the bike I decided to fight and draw conclusions after the finish.

Headline options for the story were endless and several journalists channeled their inner 10-year-old boy to pen ones entertaining to, well, 10-year-old boys. (Dumoulin “dumped time,” for example. You’re welcome, 10-year-old reader. Who says I ignore my target audience?).

If you’re dying to know Bob Roll’s story, flip through a copy of his book, Bobke II. It’s a riot. His personal predicament in the 1986 Tour de France involved being constipated right up until it was urgent he relieve himself. He “ducked behind a tall hedge, and squatted down for a massive doo…. I look around for some leaves, and instead, find a family of absolutely horrified French people staring at me from the picnic they were having on their front lawn.”

Again, you’re welcome.

In one dreamy weekend, I attended a few Spring Training baseball games, anSkillz! (the goat) NHL game, and goat yoga. In the NHL, for the first time in years, playoff hopes were high for a Canadian hockey team or two (Canadians and Senators). But it boiled down to last year’s champion Penguins and the Nashville Predators, who advanced to the final playoff round for the first time in team history. Alas, Pittsburgh won the Cup a second consecutive year. With it being his third Stanley Cup championship, phenom Sidney Crosby would be wise to retire while he might still remember the good times. He turns only 30 this year, but during the recent playoffs, he suffered his no-less-than-fourth NHL-career concussion.

About that goat yoga, though. Just the thought of it gives me a fuzzy feeling and a spreading smile. Baby goats! The little buggers hop right on top of anyone doing downward dog or bridge or plank, for example.

YES YOU CAN: 2017 feels like the sort of year anything is possible. This defies everything you ever thought wasn’t possible on a bike.

This is the best seeming impossibility to come out of basketball this year. (If you know how “tall” I am, you know why I love it.)

This story from CBS Sunday Morning is the sort I crave to see in the news Every. Single. Day. At The Oregon Public House, all it takes to improve the world is you enjoying a pint. The owner said he gets calls every day about how the idea would work great in, say, Northeast Albuquerque. It’s totally true! The 505 has become a mecca of breweries and Albuquerque has been ranked among the more charitable cities, despite being otherwise cash-strapped.

And the word is… CAKE. If you need a little advice, just ask CAKE, as in the band. They’re dolling it out and it’s pretty good stuff.

Enjoy your 24 and summer!